Dear Readers--We are now at the fourth and final episode of the day in our Twilight Action Figure Marathon. We hope this installment brings you to tears, as it did us.
The cast of Twilight have been in limbo, waiting for the release of the Twilight movie. So, in the meantime, they accepted a gig in the remake of a beloved classic. The cast of Twilight proudly presents:
TWITANIC
"Edward, I want you to sketch me wearing this...and only this."
Edward, as always, complies, but his modesty compells him to make a compromise.
Edward, with his virtue intact, sketches Bella wearing that...and only that. Some might call this abstract art.
In the meantime, Jacob is up on deck enjoying the view. "I AM THE KING OF THE SWIMMING POOL! Oh, er, I mean: I AM THE KING OF THE WORLD!"
Bella is dazzled when she sees Jacob at full mast, but Edward cusses him out under his breath. "You darn stupid poopy-headed dog," he whispers, so as not to really offend Jake. "Don't you know that I AM THE KING OF THE WORLD? Or at least that's what millions of middle aged women tell me."
The passengers are all on deck, enjoying the sights. Ah, a side story is developing. Isn't that Emmett with Paris Hilton...again??? Emmett, have you no taste? She certainly has none!
Rosalie decides Paris might like a little dip. A little la push does the trick.
Paris, back on board, decides she really must make that hair appointment soon.
This boat looks as crowded as a Twilight book signing.
Penguins frolic on icebergs in the frigid sea.
Oh no! Super icebergs ahead!
Jacob shows off again, and goes extreme ice blocking. "I AM THE KING OF THE ICEBERGS!"
The Twitanic meets its destiny in the shape of a Super Iceberg. Collision!
The ship begins to list to the port, or is it the starboard? It is difficult to tell the difference on this ship.
Bodies begin spilling into the sea like buckets of warm chum.
Let's show you that scene again, for maximum impact.
Bodies begin spilling into the sea like buckets of warm chum.
"Hang on, Bella! We're going down! Don't let go of my hand!" "But, Edward, I don't have hold of your hand!"
The Twitanic, emptied of its heavy vampire cargo, floats back to the surface. Too late for our cast!
Bella latches on to a berg, thinking she has found Edward amid the wreckage. Observant viewers may notice James making out with an extra in the background.
Looking down, we see Emmett on the ocean floor, checking out his marine competition. "Hey, I'm harder than you," snarls Emmett. Um, Emmett, that's a rock.
Emmett moves on. Ooooh, an irritable shark! Almost as much fun as Paris Hilton, and with better hair!
Bella finally finds the real Edward, and promises that she'll never let go, unless Jacob rescues her first. Fickle Bella, we knew you were trouble when we read Eclipse.
A lifeguard floats lifelessly behind Bella's board. So much for all those Baywatch reruns. And Laurent waves half a hand in a farewell salute. (See earlier post regarding the hand incident.)
"I knew this was going to happen!" fumes Alice.
An Artsy Photo. Emmett, Jacob and a Shark. We just really liked this picture.
Bella grabs the lifeguards whistle, and, wrapping it around her nose and nearly choking herself in the process, blows an SOS.
Suddenly, a cheerful Jacob, with a squid in his pants, floats by.
"Hey, Bella! Is that a squid in my pants, or am I just happy to see you? Har har har!" News bulletin to Jake: That laugh is beginning to grate on everyone's nerves.
Then, just as all appears lost, Queen Mother Stephenie rises out of the sea in a lampshade.
QMS rescues the heroes, surreptitiously casting a threatening glance at that inappropriate squid in Jake's pants.
Back on shore, Bella mourns her icy love.
"Umm, excuse me, Bella? Not dead. Remember, the UNDEAD???"
And thus ends episode four of our Action Figure Marathon. Houses remain unclean, errands unrun, books unobsessed over--all for your viewing pleasure today.
And now for the very good news. Metaphysical_muse has created a myspace page for the ACTION FIGURES, so that you may continue to enjoy them during the lockdown. Meanwhile, we are putting Bella in lockdown to prevent further mishaps, pregnancies and mischief.
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I think I just relived my pregnancy with my 1st through Bella. Too, Too funny. Best one Eclampsia.
"And then," he whispered, "as you were sleeping, you said my name."
That was too much! Oprah, Madonna and George Bush! That is an absolute stroke of genius. Love the Jane and Alec trolls! LOL! I hope that the cast members can have foot transplant surgery while you're on hiatus! 
9/20/08 
